By Daniel

Seeing her was always the highlight of my day. She was one of those girls that had her own style and always found a different way to wear her clothes. She was eccentric, fashionable, unique, or whatever cliché that never described her perfectly. Admiring her from a distance, I realized she had something that I didn’t have. In all its glory, high school produced in me feelings of paralyzing self doubt. This girl, however, was incredibly confident, and that in itself was intoxicating.

Self confidence is what we all lack, what we all want, and what we all need. That’s why when we meet someone that has it, we can’t help but be drawn to it. I was a late bloomer. My old high school crush was just one of those experiences that pushed me to find my own. What I’ve realized is that finding self confidence is a lifelong learning experience. The confidence that got you this far may not be enough to take you through the next leg. You have to constantly grow from those defining moments and failures that life throws your way.

Penalty shot

We were dripping in sweat under the heat of the Texas sun. Scouts were everywhere watching the decision of one of the biggest showcases in the state. Our coach wasn’t going to call out a lineup. He wanted volunteers to step up.

I looked down as if I was counting the blades of grass around my feet. Inside, I knew I had the most experience with penalty shots. My killer instinct disappeared into the pit of my stomach. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding, but I stayed paralyzed in fear. I didn’t seize the opportunity. Other players around me took up the call. I could tell they were nervous, but held onto a glimpse of courage that they somehow mustered up from within. I watched from the side as they went on to become heroes.

It was a victory of mixed emotions for me. What would have happened if I overcame my own fear? It wasn’t regret or shame that dominated my feelings. It was just the ‘what if’ questions that kept nagging at me. I realized I didn’t gain anything from standing on the side. The only answer I settled on was that I would never let an opportunity like that pass me by again.

Hitchhiking in Quebec

I met countless free-spirited individuals when I was staying in a small French town in Quebec. I spent a lot of time hanging out with hitchhikers and it was something that I had to try before I left. One girl described it as “depending solely on the goodwill of others to get you to the end of your journey”. She was very poetic.

I learned a lot of different lessons while sticking my thumb out on the open road. One of them was all about perception. No one is going to stop for you if you’re looking depressed, tired, discouraged, upset, or annoyed. No matter how you’re feeling, you have to act like you’re cheerful and happy to be on the road. Smile and laugh while sticking out your thumb.

In the same way, part of seeming confident is about acting like you are. You may be feeling like you’re about to throw up all your anxiety, but act like you’ve done this a million times. It’s all about perception. Act like you are and you might even fool yourself.

My First Kiss

The thoughts were zipping in my head a million miles an hour. Go for it! No, wait. Just lean in slowly… nope not yet. “Can I kiss you?”. Woa, did I just ask her… you loser! Luckily, it still worked out. She smiled and nodded as I went in for probably the worst kiss of my life. I clearly had no idea what I was doing.

Sometimes you have to stretch yourself and just go for it. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, nor did I take control of the situation. I politely fumbled my way to my first kiss. Getting over sweaty palms, inexperience, and an unknown reaction was killer. Asking my teenage self if it was worth it? Oh, you bet it was.

Moving into unknown territory is always nerve racking. It always requires that first step no matter how much confidence you have in yourself or not. Just like that first kiss, sometimes you have to just close your eyes and go for it. Leave your old self behind and step into a new experience excited like an old school boy.

There are countless memories of times where I’ve built on the self confidence I now have. There’s no doubt there will be trials ahead that will require more. Still, occasionally reminiscing on my earlier moments of glory and failure will help in developing what I’ll need in the future.