By Trina

There are certain situations and events that have a significant amount of permanence attached to them.  Since leaving the comforts of Iowa and emancipating from my parents, I’ve come across said situations/events and found myself getting a serious case of cold feet.  The very thought of passing these milestones terrifies me in a peculiar way.  Maybe I have some crazy ideas that they will tie me down a bit more than I want to be, or they will attach me to one particular place (I haven’t a clue yet where I want to put down roots).  Whatever the cause of my phobia, I’m going to divulge my ridiculous commitment issues, and I ask you to comment if you share any of these feelings (help me feel less nuts).

A lot of my initial cold feet feelings came during my time in Rhode Island.  I had moved out there for work and was miserable.  I did not want to stay in Rhode Island for very long at all.  That is why I felt a lot of panic at the idea of getting a Rhode Island driver’s license.  There is a weird feeling of permanence when you see your face on a different state’s driver’s license.  Part of my entire identity up to this point in life was having a license that said Iowa on it.  Another more shallow reason was that I had a fantastic photo on that Iowa license, and I didn’t want to give it up (little sad, isn’t it?).  It may seem incredibly stupid, but I was going to do everything in my power to avoid ever walking into the Rhode Island DMV.

A related task I avoided was switching out my license plates.  Since mid-June in my 16^th year of life, I have driven around in a used, dark red car with Iowa plates.  In Rhode Island, I had the same fears with the plates as I did with the driver’s license.  If I was going to live in a car culture place where I had to drive every single day, I wanted to have license plates that reflected who I am.  Perhaps, I just had a plaguing fear of the Rhode Island DMV…

Like many other people in this technology-loving society, I live with my cell phone attached to me.  It is a big part of who I am and so is the number to ring that device.  I had always been a 712 area code which is a remote part of Northwest Iowa.  Anyone who knows that area code is probably going to know the town where I grew up or someone who lives close by who could likely be a distant cousin (the Midwest is a funny place).  When I was faced with the reality that I had to break away from the family plan (the final step to 100% emancipation from my parents), I wanted to attach myself to a place carefully.  Having a 401 Rhode Island area code was not an option, so I hung on to that 712 as long as possible.

These are just a few things that have truly given me “cold feet” since becoming an adult.  It may be a fear of certain commitments, or perhaps I was just afraid to give up a piece of me that felt so right (being from Iowa) and commit to another place that felt so terribly wrong (rural Rhode Island).  I know deep down that I will probably never live in Iowa again, and I’m comfortable with that.  However, I’m not keen on the idea of committing/putting down roots/tying myself to a place that I have no intention of staying for more than a few months.  I knew in a way that I’d be divorcing that commitment (Rhode Island for example) in a short amount of time.  It felt like a lie to take those steps to attach me to a place where I had no intention of staying.

I’m proud to say that by moving to Dallas, I have passed through a lot of these milestones.  Although I don’t intend to stay in Dallas for many years, it will do for now.  Currently, I’m driving around with Texas plates, a Texas driver’s license and a 214 area code cell phone.